Sometimes it can be hard to figure us women out. Years ago, my husband and I discovered a book, The 5 Love Languages. It helped us figure out what language we “speak” in order to feel loved. The book goes into great detail and I highly recommend reading it with your wife. However, if you don’t have the time, here are some ideas to woo your bride. For best results, use every category. Some are easy to do everyday. Others you might work in once a week.
Acts of Service (Do something for her)
- Put gas in her car
- Clean the bathroom
- Make or pick-up dinner when she’s busy running the kids around
- Take kids to the park to give her a break
- Vacuum the floors
Words of Affirmation (Encourage or praise her)
- Tell her why you love her
- Tell her she is a great mom and why
- Compliment her often in front of the children
- Tell her how much better your life is with her as your wife
- Tell her how proud you are of her and why
Quality Time (Be with her)
- Take her out on a date once a week
- Don’t answer your phone, check facebook, or text while you are on your date
- Talk with her about her day so she feels connected to you
- Turn off all electronics after 8PM so you two can talk, plan, dream
- Call or text her during your busy day so she knows she is on your mind Continue reading
Years ago I wrote a post on trying to conquer envy. I wrote it during a time where I was trying to overcome the struggle of comparing what I had (materially) to those that seemed to have more.
An “AHA” Moment
Recently, I had an AHA moment. While talking with my husband, we were discussing why some marriages break down. Normally, I would say marriage breakdown is due to lack of communication, but many times it begins with LACK OF CONTENTMENT. I realized that many broken marriages are a result of discontentment in the life stage they are in. Many of us have dreams of the life we would be living, but sometimes the reality does not match that dream. As a result, we become embittered and resentful that we are not living the life we once imagined. Once we allow bitterness into our marriage, it becomes very easy to blame our spouse. Words then become weapons that we hurl at each other because our anger overwhelms the sorrow we feel.
“We have no money because you don’t make enough!” (lack of contentment in finances)
“If you only would lose some weight.” (lack of contentment in physical appearance)
“We never go on weekend getaways like the Joneses.” (lack of contentment in lifestyle)
“Why don’t you ever think to surprise me, like her husband?” (lack of contentment in relationship)
In each of these statements, there is an implied fault that is given to our spouse: My life is not good enough and it is YOUR fault. Continue reading
Did you know that people watch your marriage when you least expect it?
This past weekend was extremely busy. My husband was directing the next episode for Pressure Points marriage ministry. He had cast two actors to play a married couple with children. The woman playing the wife was married in real life, the male actor was not. Prior to the shoot, they read through the script so that my husband could explain husband-wife interactions.
On the day of the shoot, I was responsible for craft services (translation: feed the cast and crew). I showed up with a plethora of goodies and had it all waiting to be devoured. One of the items was deli meat. After I set it out, it became clear that the filming was running behind and I don’t like to have meat sitting out for too long. During a quick break I told my husband that I was going to put the food in the fridge. He told me to leave it out, they only had 15 more minutes (translation: an hour). It was a quick, small interaction of different opinions. Continue reading
What is the one thing you want to learn most about before you get married?
This was the question we asked to three couples as we began six weeks of leading a group of engaged couples. The topic they were most interested in learning about? Continue reading
Courtesy of Christy Martin Photography
Years ago I stopped at a yard sale and discovered a box full of business books. The books were very familiar to me since my husband and I had several of them. I looked up at the woman running the sale as she chatted with a friend and said, “Looks like someone is an entreprenuer!” She turned to me with a snort and responded, “Yes, but he doesn’t need any more ideas.” And turned back to her friend.
To say I was stunned was an understatement. In an instant she had demonstrated the lack of respect for her husband and his ideas to a complete stranger.
The entrepreneurial spirit.
I have met many men over the years who have an entrepreneurial spirit. There is something inside of them that longs to create, build, and share with others. There is a sense of pride and accomplishment that comes with succeeding in a business or project that starts with an idea.
My husband has been entrepreneurial since high school. He and a friend started a business where they traveled to parties and put on magic shows. They would be booked almost every weekend. In college, he continued as a solo act since his partner went to another school.
After we were married, he decided to serve in the Army, but that didn’t stop his desire to create and build something. Continue reading
Missed the first two parts? Find them here:
Part 1: I trust him. Not her.
Part 2: Is it all in my head? I still don’t trust her.
My sense of discernment was right on target.
The next day, my husband was driving the nine hours to join us when he suddenly realized what had happened:
After he hung up with me, he went into the restaurant. He got a phone call from Kim telling him she was running late because she got out of her bikini wax appointment late. (“Really?”) He thought that a little odd that she would offer that information, but just let it go.
Twenty minutes later, Kim showed up, dressed in a mini-skirt. They had lunch. As lunch came to a close, Kim asked my husband what he wanted to do next. He said he was probably going to walk around the mall for a while and kill time since the movers had taken everything and the house was completely empty.
She responded, “Why don’t we go back to your house.”
Brushing it off, he looked at her and said, “Why would we do that, there is nothing there. No TV, or furniture, nothing.”
Kim said, “So?”
Without missing a beat and completely ignorant of the implied proposition, he answered “Because it would be boring!”
She just reluctantly replied, “Yeah, you’re right.” They finished lunch, said their goodbyes, and Kim was gone. Continue reading
My husband set up boundaries so that he would not be in any situation where she could talk to him about sex or any other personal topics. She seemed to respect the fact that I was his wife and tried to get to know me and our kids. During those two years, I discovered she was a woman who was hurting. Her father was emotionally absent during her younger years and she sought out relationships with men to try to fill the hole that he had left.
Time to move on.
My husband’s time in the military came to an end and we decided to sell our home and move. Our last few months became a whirlwind of activity as we tried to navigate our transition to civilian life. We had to coordinate a state-to-state move, sale of our home, purchase of our new home and starting our oldest in kindergarten.
All of that meant that I had to travel ahead of my husband to get our kids settled while he finished tying up all the ends of our military life. Separation was not new to us. We were used to it and had a system. Communication was always VERY important part of being apart. It was better to over-communicate than under communicate.
During his last few days, his colleagues gave him a farewell party that Kim did not attend.
What I didn’t know was that she offered to take him out to lunch as a rain check. She wanted to say goodbye and thanks for being a great friend. On his way to meeting her, he gave me a quick call to update me on the house closing that was happening the next day. During the conversation he mentioned that he was on his way to meet Kim for lunch. Continue reading
Her name was Kim*.
She was tall, thin, and just 22. She was a brand new lieutenant fresh out of nursing school and into the Army’s on-the-job training. When I met her I was five months pregnant with our second child. This young woman would be following my husband, also a nurse, around for six very long weeks as she trained as a floor nurse at the military hospital. It wasn’t my husband’s choice to train her. When the Army tells you to do something, you do it.
I trust my husband.
We have always been very honest with each other from the start. I knew he was studying to be a nurse when I met him. I also knew a male nurse is rare and the likelihood of having to work with mostly women is a given. Through his college years he proved that he was trustworthy by being completely open and honest with what would happen in class or in study groups.
You see, my husband is a very nice man. He is a very good listener and he genuinely cares for other people. Those qualities not only make a good nurse, but a VERY attractive catch for many women. People instantly like him which can be a great quality, but a bit scary for an introverted wife like me.