Author: Phil Stevens

How Important is Sex to God in Marriage?

intimacy blurredGod made sex between a married couple beautiful. He delights in it. Sex in marriage honors and is pleasing God. Becoming one flesh in marriage is symbolic of the covenant God has made with us in the union of Christ and the church. Ephesians 5:31-32 NIV reads… “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” That’s how BIG of a deal marriage is to God. It is compared to the union of Christ and the church, the most important covenant there is.

Marriage is not easy. When the honeymoon is over, it’s difficult to stay in tune and on the same page about sexual intimacy and expectations. Watch our original film ‘Storms‘ and see if you can relate. It won two awards for outstanding actress and outstanding actor.

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About Phil Stevens

Christ follower, happily married, proud father, producer, actor & social media strategist. I love to create things that glorify God. Love God. Love People.

There She Goes Again… Crybaby!

Woman cryingThere she goes. Again. Crying for no apparent reason.

Wait. STOP! So what. So what she’s emotional? So what she needs reassurance and comfort? What do you need that she keeps giving you? Physical intimacy, words of affirmation, trust, grace, forgiveness, etc.

This is not your chance to complain about how emotional women are and how you just don’t understand. And… it is cruel to ignore her pain. Men, your wife needs love. All the time. She needs you to empathize with her pain, worry, concerns and her unexplained waves of emotions. That is how God wired her. He wired her to be in tune with His love, His emotional presence. She takes after God. Betcha didn’t know that, did you? Just like you are wired to be strong, logical and rational after God’s firm heart, she is wired to be soft, loving, empathetic, emotionally present after God’s loving heart. In 1 Peter 3:17, Paul tells us to live with our wives in an understanding way as the weaker vessel. Not weak as in strength or intellect, but weaker as in, we as husbands need to protect her heart. Her heart is fragile by God’s unique design.

You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.” – 1 Peter 3:17 NASB

Here are 4 tips to help you better empathize with your wife.

1983131.  Stop and listen. Listen to what she has to say. Turn to her. Don’t try and solve it. Just hear her words. You might ask questions that lead to the root of it, but sometimes she just needs to share with you what is on her heart. She doesn’t want to be disconnected from you, she wants you two to be in sync.

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About Phil Stevens

Christ follower, happily married, proud father, producer, actor & social media strategist. I love to create things that glorify God. Love God. Love People.

4 Guaranteed Ways to Make Your Wife Happy

Marriage lens flare

Let’s just jump into it. Every guy knows that a happy wife means a happy home. No one desires to have a displeased wife of a displeased God. However, WE masculine, logical guys don’t want to be emasculated to be a good husband, but we do want to make her happy.  We want to save the day, be admired, respected and be the hero in our queen’s eyes. You CAN receive all these things by following these 4 simple steps.

1. Chase After God with All your Heart

Mark 12:30-31 “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” When we as men pursue a relationship with God with all our heart, that journey creates in us a pure, holy and audacious spirit. In short, we are better for it because we have more of Him in us, guiding us, leading us, shaping us. This pays dividends in our marriage. That goes for both spouses. The closer you are to God in your personal relationship the more that pours into your marriage.  Continue reading

About Phil Stevens

Christ follower, happily married, proud father, producer, actor & social media strategist. I love to create things that glorify God. Love God. Love People.

I Watched Her Walk Away & She Wasn’t My Wife


A married man's honest post about LUST: 5 Reasons Why We Men Justify Lusting After Women. I’m a man

This is embarrassing and I’m ashamed of myself for it, but I need to confess it. The other day while at the mall, a young woman in skin tight, short shorts turned my head. The rule is I can look for a second or two but I cannot stare. Staring is essentially lusting or fantasizing. This time – I did. I stared for quite some time and just watched her walk. After about 20 seconds I noticed a young man staring at her too, not even trying to hide it. He boldly moved in for a closer look. And then I noticed an older man watching her. That slapped me hard in the face! I, was among several men gawking at this woman. I shook it off and bolted for the exit. I was ashamed of myself for objectifying her. Granted, she wore those shorts for a reason, but I need to be responsible for my own actions. There is no hope for me to fully honor God and my wife – operating from that sinful place.

I’m a married man. 

Men, Here’s where I think we men fool ourselves into thinking we are justified to objectify and lust after women.

1. If She Wears it, She WANTS Me to Look

That may or may not be true. However, just because she wears it, or doesn’t wear enough, does not give you the right to drool or inappropriately stare. She has her own reasons for her choice of clothing, that shouldn’t justify lusting after anyone other than your wife. If a man drops his wallet, does his mistake mean you can have his money and use his credit cards? I don’t think so.

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About Phil Stevens

Christ follower, happily married, proud father, producer, actor & social media strategist. I love to create things that glorify God. Love God. Love People.

Tell Me Something Good [Love Language #1]

You guessed it. My love language is words of affirmation.5LLcover-128

Oh wait. Let me back up.

What is a love language? The 5 Love Languages  refers to your emotional communication preference. It singles out your primary love language, what it means, and how you can use it to connect with your loved one with intimacy and fulfillment. Continue reading

About Phil Stevens

Christ follower, happily married, proud father, producer, actor & social media strategist. I love to create things that glorify God. Love God. Love People.

Little White Lies: 5 Steps on How to Be Truthful with Your Spouse

shhhSet up a new pattern in your marriage… Stop lying

Your marriage can never fully grow and receive God’s FULL blessings unless you live on wings of integrity, truth and full disclosure. I’ve heard it said once that secrets are healthy in a marriage. That sometimes it’s better that… they just don’t know things. Secrets and lies are Satan’s tools. They are NOT of God in any way, shape or form. They live in walls like termites and eat through the foundation of your marriage bit-by-bit until your marriage is ruined and infested with lies and deceit. Let me ask you, if you are keeping secrets in your marriage, where do you draw the line? Is it Godly? Does it make you marriage better?

So why even lie?

Often the motivation for lying is usually tied up in self-esteem and self-preservation. We lie in an effort to create the best possible version of ourselves in our spouse’s eyes. Sometimes we do it to avoid hurting their  feelings, which also has the bonus effect of ensuring spouse (again) maintains their good opinion of us. It gives us leverage, our sins can’t used against us if they don’t know. We can preserve their trust in us. We can avoid punishment or judgement. All lies. The truth is, we dishonor God, our marriage, and we corrupt ourselves by lying. When we lie we give ourselves permission to move the line wherever we choose to for our own selfish gain. Lying is selfish. It’s wrong and it’s not Godly.longnose

What does the Bible say about lies?

  • Romans 2:16 – On that day when, according to my gospel, God judges the secrets of men by Christ Jesus.
  • Luke 12:2 – Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known.
  • Revelation 20:12 – And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Then another book was opened, which is the book of life. And the dead were judged by what was written in the books, according to what they had done.

How should I ask for forgiveness in my marriage?

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About Phil Stevens

Christ follower, happily married, proud father, producer, actor & social media strategist. I love to create things that glorify God. Love God. Love People.

Your CHILDREN are WATCHING: 10 Great Takeaways They Should Get From Your Marriage

affection in front of kidsMy wife and I often reflect on what our children see in and about our marriage. What do they take away? What have we taught them? Honestly, they are shaping their view of marriage by what you show them in the good times and the bad. Daily. How do you fight, disagree, deal with conflict, react? Good questions right?!

I would be thrilled if my kids had a similar type of marriage that Marci and I have. Because I know, they would be happy and fulfilled. It’s definitely not perfect, but we’re both very proud of what we’ve developed over 9+ years.

Here are 10 actions that I know my kids have observed from us over the year:

1. Affection: Marci & I are very affectionate and I like having my kids see me kiss her first when I come home, we hug,  cuddle, etc… as often as we can.

2. Saying “I’m sorry”: I want to be quick to use this phrase and I want my kids to hear me say it. I want to admit my shortcomings and failures to my wife in front of them. That instills humility in my children.

3. Affirmation: This is my primary love language so it’s easy for me to dish out encouraging words. I want them to hear me praise my wife for the amazing big and little things she does. They’ll jump on board too!

4. Attraction: I think Marci is a hottie. Often, she still takes my breath away. I want my son to see that I pursue and am still attracted to my wife. Also, I want my daughter to know this is how your husband should look at you, as if he’s looking at the most beautiful sunset he’s laid eyes on. Continue reading

About Phil Stevens

Christ follower, happily married, proud father, producer, actor & social media strategist. I love to create things that glorify God. Love God. Love People.

New Original Movie 'Storms' Teaser


New Movie Trailer:

Here’s the 1 minute teaser trailer to Pressure Points #7 on intimacy issues in marriage, entitled ‘Storms‘.

The Corinthians wrote Apostle Paul about some of their marital issues. Seemingly the Corinthians believed good married Christians abstained from sex. Paul clears up this misconception with this message:

“The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”Storms Promo 2

-1 Corinthians 7:4-5 NIV

God created sex for marriage. If sex is an issue in your marriage, for whatever reason, get assistance from a licensed [and preferably Christian] professional. Don’t let a sexless marriage tear your marriage apart.

For more marriage tips and encouragement from Pressure Points,  join us on Facebook and/or Twitter.

You are loved!

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About Phil Stevens

Christ follower, happily married, proud father, producer, actor & social media strategist. I love to create things that glorify God. Love God. Love People.

Clinging to Him, After Adultery (Part 1)


“I want to get married,” he said. 

Under different conditions, those words would have caused me to jump for joy with the excitement and anticipation of a bride-to-be.  There was one small problem…. we were already married.  The perplexed and befuddled look on my face accompanied my confused response.

“We are married.”

“No… I want to marry Jan.”

adultery (mad)With those two short sentences, my world began to crumble.  I was stunned into stillness.  No immediate tears, no screaming, just shock.  You see, he had been doing a medical residency working long hours, even 36-hour shifts.  He came home and fell into bed each evening.  I thought I was doing my part to help his career, supporting the family with my corporate job by day and taking care of our 6-month-old daughter in the evenings.  I knew we weren’t spending much time together, but I chalked it up to the rigors of the medical profession.  I believed it was for a season until he could get out of training and establish his own practice.

If you had asked me even the day before how I would react to this news, I would have told you that I would either have melted in a puddle of tears or grabbed the nearest chair and hit him with it.  But I didn’t react that way at all.  Yes, I had been betrayed.  Yes, it hurt more than any pain I had experienced in 28 years of life.  But in the midst of the hurt was love, the most difficult oxymoron to explain unless you’ve experienced it.

Our original short film, ‘Cheater‘ (based on 1 Corinthians 7:2) captures a raw conversation about the husband’s infidelity. It is possible to heal a marriage after the fallout of infidelity, but only through transparency, counseling, forgiveness, restoration and with God.

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About Phil Stevens

Christ follower, happily married, proud father, producer, actor & social media strategist. I love to create things that glorify God. Love God. Love People.

She ALWAYS does that! 4 Things You Should Do to Diffuse Lies About Your Spouse

Guess what? Somebody hates it when there is harmony & peace in your marriage. He can’t stand it. You know who I’m talking about. He wears all red and wields little goat horns on his head. He’ll do anything to cause conflict or confusion in your marriage. One of his favorite, but subtle attacks is to make false agreements with us about our marriage. Tell me if you’ve ever heard these in your head before:

  • He left his clothes on the floor AGAIN, like… I’m the maid.aa-angel-and-devil-on-mans-shoulder
  • She knows I hate meatloaf, but she keeps making it to spite me.
  • Why can’t he just put a new toilet paper roll on the spool? It takes 10 seconds.
  • She cut me off in mid sentence again! She never let’s me talk.
  • He or she will never change. They just don’t care anymore.
  • They don’t deserve my love or attention right now. Not after what they’ve done.
  • She ALWAYS does that!
  • He NEVER listens to me!
  • It’s hopeless.

Lies! All lies. None of it is God’s voice. The devil is sneaky, he likes to get us in a corner and whisper these little lies in our ear. We tend to agree with him because it selfishly validates our frustration with our spouse. What started as little whispers eventually grow into toxic resentment and anger towards our spouse. So… what do you do? Continue reading

About Phil Stevens

Christ follower, happily married, proud father, producer, actor & social media strategist. I love to create things that glorify God. Love God. Love People.