Communication

Communication is the Key


Communication

What is the one thing you want to learn most about before you get married?

This was the question we asked to three couples as we began six weeks of leading a group of engaged couples. The topic they were most interested in learning about? Continue reading

Tell Me Something Good [Love Language #1]

You guessed it. My love language is words of affirmation.5LLcover-128

Oh wait. Let me back up.

What is a love language? The 5 Love Languages  refers to your emotional communication preference. It singles out your primary love language, what it means, and how you can use it to connect with your loved one with intimacy and fulfillment. Continue reading

About Phil Stevens

Christ follower, happily married, proud father, producer, actor & social media strategist. I love to create things that glorify God. Love God. Love People.

Big Holiday Expectations – Does it Help or Hurt Your Family?

july 4thHow will you handle the holidays?

The above question is often addressed in premarital counseling. Answering it gives you both the chance to share the traditions and expectations you would like to incorporate in your new family. Reflecting on the festivities of our youth is a good starting point, but it is important to remember that our expectations are not only passed down to us from our family, but they can be influenced by our ever-changing culture.

In my marriage, our holiday conflicts have less to do with childhood experiences and more to do with a self-imposed rule of participating in social norms. See if you can relate to any of these confessions: Choosing “the perfect” Christmas card takes up more time and energy that I care to admit. I am panged with guilt on Easter morning when my children aren’t dressed in fancy new Easter clothes. I wallow in pity when we aren’t attending a grand fireworks display on the 4th of July because my husband has to work. Can you relate? Continue reading

About Darby Dugger

Darby is a wife, mother, speaker, blogger, and author of the devotional, For the Love of Our Husbands. Following the same format of her book, Darby posts a weekly prayer for wives to pray over their husbands. She also writes about her own weaknesses as a wife in hopes that God will redeem all of her messes.

Little White Lies: 5 Steps on How to Be Truthful with Your Spouse

shhhSet up a new pattern in your marriage… Stop lying

Your marriage can never fully grow and receive God’s FULL blessings unless you live on wings of integrity, truth and full disclosure. I’ve heard it said once that secrets are healthy in a marriage. That sometimes it’s better that… they just don’t know things. Secrets and lies are Satan’s tools. They are NOT of God in any way, shape or form. They live in walls like termites and eat through the foundation of your marriage bit-by-bit until your marriage is ruined and infested with lies and deceit. Let me ask you, if you are keeping secrets in your marriage, where do you draw the line? Is it Godly? Does it make you marriage better?

So why even lie?

Often the motivation for lying is usually tied up in self-esteem and self-preservation. We lie in an effort to create the best possible version of ourselves in our spouse’s eyes. Sometimes we do it to avoid hurting their  feelings, which also has the bonus effect of ensuring spouse (again) maintains their good opinion of us. It gives us leverage, our sins can’t used against us if they don’t know. We can preserve their trust in us. We can avoid punishment or judgement. All lies. The truth is, we dishonor God, our marriage, and we corrupt ourselves by lying. When we lie we give ourselves permission to move the line wherever we choose to for our own selfish gain. Lying is selfish. It’s wrong and it’s not Godly.longnose

What does the Bible say about lies?

  • Romans 2:16 – On that day when, according to my gospel, God judges the secrets of men by Christ Jesus.
  • Luke 12:2 – Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known.
  • Revelation 20:12 – And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Then another book was opened, which is the book of life. And the dead were judged by what was written in the books, according to what they had done.

How should I ask for forgiveness in my marriage?

Continue reading

About Phil Stevens

Christ follower, happily married, proud father, producer, actor & social media strategist. I love to create things that glorify God. Love God. Love People.

Be His Cheerleader: Why I should Be My Husband's Biggest Fan

Chris and Mary Anne

Courtesy of Christy Martin Photography

Years ago I stopped at a yard sale and discovered a box full of business books. The books were very familiar to me since my husband and I had several of them. I looked up at the woman running the sale as she chatted with a friend and said, “Looks like someone is an entreprenuer!” She turned to me with a snort and responded, “Yes, but he doesn’t need any more ideas.” And turned back to her friend.

To say I was stunned was an understatement. In an instant she had demonstrated the lack of respect for her husband and his ideas to a complete stranger.

The entrepreneurial spirit.

I have met many men over the years who have an entrepreneurial spirit. There is something inside of them that longs to create, build, and share with others. There is a sense of pride and accomplishment that comes with succeeding in a business or project that starts with an idea.

My husband has been entrepreneurial since high school. He and a friend started a business where they traveled to parties and put on magic shows. They would be booked almost every weekend. In college, he continued as a solo act since his partner went to another school.

After we were married, he decided to serve in the Army, but that didn’t stop his desire to create and build something. Continue reading

Sex, A Wife's Ministry – 4 Tips On Improving Sex in Your Marriage

SEX.

Did you know that part of a wife’s ministry to her husband is sexual in nature?

dv267034bYou might commit yourself to praying daily for your husband and strive to be a purposeful wife, but if you aren’t directing prayer and intentionality to the bedroom then you are underestimating your role as a wife! Sex can be a touchy subject for many couples. I know this from personal experience. For several years it was the root of many arguments between my husband and I. However, this should not be!

 God never intended for sex to be a source of contention, but an incredible gift. Within the context of biblical marriage, sex is beautiful, holy, and fun. It is a foretaste of heaven, a renewal of our wedding vows, and a form of worship. It is never supposed to be boring, cause one to feel ashamed, or create arguments. That’s NOT what God intended it to be.

Couple+in+bed

So what is a wife to do if sex is a pressure point in her marriage?

1. Pray! Pray about your sex life. Pray with your husband. Pray for God to make beauty out of ashes, for Him to redeem the years the locus have eaten. Ephesians 3:20 tells us that He can do immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine. What about your sex life? Do you need Him to do a miracle in that area? He will. Just ask.

2. Realize it isn’t about you. If you only respond to sex or initiate sex when it is on your schedule then you are missing the whole point of intercourse. Sex isn’t about you! It is about your spouse. So, as wives, that means it is about our husbands. You might be satisfied with your sex life, but if he’s not… work towards a common ground. Make how often, where, foreplay, etc. all about him. If your focus switches from you to him – it will actually become more enjoyable for you as well. If you are the high-driver spouse then give him permission to say “no” without sulking. If you are the low-driver spouse – say “yes” as often as physically possible.

3. Third, get creative! Plan romantic gestures, send suggestive text messages, and strive to keep your bedroom ideas fresh. Don’t postpone planning special evenings for your husband, instead make it a priority. Contrary to what society tells us, sex within the boundaries of marriage is refreshing, amazing, and exhilarating. Say no to anything that would steal the holiness out of the act (pornography/erotica/etc.), but yes to anything that is honoring God.

black-couple-taking-bed-450pk061110

 

4. Lastly, it is important to remember that intimacy in marriage will go through different seasons. There will be times when your sex life surpasses all your expectations and other times when it will be a very intense struggle. For example, young children or serious health issues could hinder a once thriving sex life. Although, resolved conflict or a new level of openness will possibly provide a much needed revival to your stale love life. Prayerfully and intentionally work through and adjust to every season in order to achieve mutual satisfaction.

If you and your husband are truly struggling in this area, please don’t hesitate to talk to a Biblical counselor. Airing out the past, discussing expectations, finding a common ground, and offering grace are all necessary for a couple to achieve and maintain a vibrant sex life. Never be afraid, or too prideful, to work with someone who will offer you Biblical advice and prayerful encouragement in how to achieve the love life God has ordained.

This preparation works by relaxing muscles in the airways to straighten breathing. Viagra is one of the best treatment options of all season. When you get remedies like real viagra you have to know about pfizer viagra online. Medications, like Viagra, fairly, is going to improve your life. The signs of sexual disorders in men include lack of interest in sexual contact. Sexual soundness problems can generally indicate problems elsewhere. Mental health problems can reduce your will and can lead to erectile dysfunction. Depression affects all sides of life including sexual soundness.

About Darby Dugger

Darby is a wife, mother, speaker, blogger, and author of the devotional, For the Love of Our Husbands. Following the same format of her book, Darby posts a weekly prayer for wives to pray over their husbands. She also writes about her own weaknesses as a wife in hopes that God will redeem all of her messes.

Your CHILDREN are WATCHING: 10 Great Takeaways They Should Get From Your Marriage

affection in front of kidsMy wife and I often reflect on what our children see in and about our marriage. What do they take away? What have we taught them? Honestly, they are shaping their view of marriage by what you show them in the good times and the bad. Daily. How do you fight, disagree, deal with conflict, react? Good questions right?!

I would be thrilled if my kids had a similar type of marriage that Marci and I have. Because I know, they would be happy and fulfilled. It’s definitely not perfect, but we’re both very proud of what we’ve developed over 9+ years.

Here are 10 actions that I know my kids have observed from us over the year:

1. Affection: Marci & I are very affectionate and I like having my kids see me kiss her first when I come home, we hug,  cuddle, etc… as often as we can.

2. Saying “I’m sorry”: I want to be quick to use this phrase and I want my kids to hear me say it. I want to admit my shortcomings and failures to my wife in front of them. That instills humility in my children.

3. Affirmation: This is my primary love language so it’s easy for me to dish out encouraging words. I want them to hear me praise my wife for the amazing big and little things she does. They’ll jump on board too!

4. Attraction: I think Marci is a hottie. Often, she still takes my breath away. I want my son to see that I pursue and am still attracted to my wife. Also, I want my daughter to know this is how your husband should look at you, as if he’s looking at the most beautiful sunset he’s laid eyes on. Continue reading

About Phil Stevens

Christ follower, happily married, proud father, producer, actor & social media strategist. I love to create things that glorify God. Love God. Love People.

Hello? A Little Help Please!: Unmet Expectations Can Poison Your Mood

roadtriphellIt was going to be a busy day.  My family had lots of places to go, things to do and places to be: all back- to- back.  We had 2 parties to get to (to which I had no gift for either), we had to grab lunch on the go and travel with a 3 year old and a 13 year old. So you can imagine that with potty breaks, teen boredom, complaints and whining, things can get pretty hairy!

Our first destination: gift for first party.

I tell my husband that I’m heading to the gift aisle.  He stays with kids.  We will meet in the front of the store.  I only have to get 1 item.  I hastily get what I need, check out and am waiting in the front of store.  Where are they?  What is taking them so long?  Seriously!?  Frustration building.  I actually have time to fill out the card (really fill it out), I have time to bag AND tissue the present. Where is he?  What are they doing?  Finally, I just call him.  Come on!! Lets go!  We don’t have all day! FYI – they were shopping, havin’ a ball! Continue reading

About Marci Stevens

Marci is a wife, mother, speaker and blogger. She is also a co-founder of a powerful non-profit, award-winning marriage ministry, Marriage Pressure Points. Marci writes about her own struggles as a wife in hopes that God will continue to offer her grace and use her testimony to help others.

A Hug is Not Just a Hug to Him: More Love Language Advice


I know what makes him tick.

kasanieI know what makes him feel special and needed and desired and loved.  I KNOW these things.  Why can’t I just do them?  I have known about this struggle of mine for a while now.  Years even.  My husband likes affection.  No, I don’t just mean sex.  I know he likes that. He needs a hug, a touch on the shoulder, my hand on his hand, a kiss on his head as I pass by him.  Why can’t I do that for him?  It’s so simple, right?  Ugh.  Is there something wrong with me?  I don’t have any repressed issues from my past nor am I dealing with any issues that I am aware of.  Am I just not wired that way?  Maybe.  But that’s not really the issue.  What’s important is that my husband IS wired that way.  He likes affection.  He feels strong, masculine and cared for by his woman when he receives that kind of love expression from me. It fills his love tank. If you haven’t yet read The 5 Love Languages then you need to. You and your spouse should go online and take the test. It’s free and it makes a huge difference in your marriage.

The book explains very clearly how we each give and receive love.  5LLcover-128Chances are, you aren’t wired the same way that your spouse is.  Surprise! This makes communication and seeing eye to eye kind of tough.  My primary love language is service. When my husband does things for me out of the kindness of his heart I feel loved.  When I come home from work and the dishes are done and the counter is cleaned off  – I feel loved.  Appreciated.  When the laundry basket is not sitting in the middle of the living room floor where I left it, I feel loved, BONUS love is when the laundry is put away!  BAM!  When my husband puts gas in my car if he drives it, I feel loved.  Service. Continue reading

About Marci Stevens

Marci is a wife, mother, speaker and blogger. She is also a co-founder of a powerful non-profit, award-winning marriage ministry, Marriage Pressure Points. Marci writes about her own struggles as a wife in hopes that God will continue to offer her grace and use her testimony to help others.

Woman's Intuition and an Answered Prayer. (Part Three)

Two+business+colleagues+talkingMissed the first two parts? Find them here:

Part 1: I trust him. Not her. 
Part 2: Is it all in my head? I still don’t trust her. 

My sense of discernment was right on target.

The next day, my husband was driving the nine hours to join us when he suddenly realized what had happened:

After he hung up with me, he went into the restaurant. He got a phone call from Kim telling him she was running late because she got out of her bikini wax appointment late. (“Really?”) He thought that a little odd that she would offer that information, but just let it go.

Twenty minutes later, Kim showed up, dressed in a mini-skirt. They had lunch. As lunch came to a close, Kim asked my husband what he wanted to do next. He said he was probably going to walk around the mall for a while and kill time since the movers had taken everything and the house was completely empty.

She responded, “Why don’t we go back to your house.”Smiling+beautiful+blond+woman+flirting

Brushing it off, he looked at her and said, “Why would we do that, there is nothing there. No TV, or furniture, nothing.”

Kim said, “So?”

Without missing a beat and completely ignorant of the implied proposition, he answered “Because it would be boring!”

She just reluctantly replied, “Yeah, you’re right.” They finished lunch, said their goodbyes, and Kim was gone. Continue reading