I remember when God put it on my heart to help marriages. In 2008, I was a facilitator with a ministry that helped people cope with divorce. Having gone through it myself, I knew it was a great ministry. But my heart ached. Each person represented another broken heart. Another broken family. And I wanted the ministry to disappear. I wanted there to not be a need for it. I wanted to be on the other side. There just wasn’t a ministry that existed to take a proactive approach to marital conflict. The only options I knew of were church small groups helping each other and marriage counseling. Nothing on a wider scale. Despite my heart longing to do something to help, I was stuck. Continue reading
Oh wait. Let me back up.
What is a love language? The 5 Love Languages refers to your emotional communication preference. It singles out your primary love language, what it means, and how you can use it to connect with your loved one with intimacy and fulfillment. Continue reading
The above question is often addressed in premarital counseling. Answering it gives you both the chance to share the traditions and expectations you would like to incorporate in your new family. Reflecting on the festivities of our youth is a good starting point, but it is important to remember that our expectations are not only passed down to us from our family, but they can be influenced by our ever-changing culture.
In my marriage, our holiday conflicts have less to do with childhood experiences and more to do with a self-imposed rule of participating in social norms. See if you can relate to any of these confessions: Choosing “the perfect” Christmas card takes up more time and energy that I care to admit. I am panged with guilt on Easter morning when my children aren’t dressed in fancy new Easter clothes. I wallow in pity when we aren’t attending a grand fireworks display on the 4th of July because my husband has to work. Can you relate? Continue reading
Your marriage can never fully grow and receive God’s FULL blessings unless you live on wings of integrity, truth and full disclosure. I’ve heard it said once that secrets are healthy in a marriage. That sometimes it’s better that… they just don’t know things. Secrets and lies are Satan’s tools. They are NOT of God in any way, shape or form. They live in walls like termites and eat through the foundation of your marriage bit-by-bit until your marriage is ruined and infested with lies and deceit. Let me ask you, if you are keeping secrets in your marriage, where do you draw the line? Is it Godly? Does it make you marriage better?
So why even lie?
Often the motivation for lying is usually tied up in self-esteem and self-preservation. We lie in an effort to create the best possible version of ourselves in our spouse’s eyes. Sometimes we do it to avoid hurting their feelings, which also has the bonus effect of ensuring spouse (again) maintains their good opinion of us. It gives us leverage, our sins can’t used against us if they don’t know. We can preserve their trust in us. We can avoid punishment or judgement. All lies. The truth is, we dishonor God, our marriage, and we corrupt ourselves by lying. When we lie we give ourselves permission to move the line wherever we choose to for our own selfish gain. Lying is selfish. It’s wrong and it’s not Godly.
What does the Bible say about lies?
- Romans 2:16 – On that day when, according to my gospel, God judges the secrets of men by Christ Jesus.
- Luke 12:2 – Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known.
- Revelation 20:12 – And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Then another book was opened, which is the book of life. And the dead were judged by what was written in the books, according to what they had done.
How should I ask for forgiveness in my marriage?
Years ago I stopped at a yard sale and discovered a box full of business books. The books were very familiar to me since my husband and I had several of them. I looked up at the woman running the sale as she chatted with a friend and said, “Looks like someone is an entreprenuer!” She turned to me with a snort and responded, “Yes, but he doesn’t need any more ideas.” And turned back to her friend.
To say I was stunned was an understatement. In an instant she had demonstrated the lack of respect for her husband and his ideas to a complete stranger.
The entrepreneurial spirit.
I have met many men over the years who have an entrepreneurial spirit. There is something inside of them that longs to create, build, and share with others. There is a sense of pride and accomplishment that comes with succeeding in a business or project that starts with an idea.
My husband has been entrepreneurial since high school. He and a friend started a business where they traveled to parties and put on magic shows. They would be booked almost every weekend. In college, he continued as a solo act since his partner went to another school.
After we were married, he decided to serve in the Army, but that didn’t stop his desire to create and build something. Continue reading
Did you know that part of a wife’s ministry to her husband is sexual in nature?
You might commit yourself to praying daily for your husband and strive to be a purposeful wife, but if you aren’t directing prayer and intentionality to the bedroom then you are underestimating your role as a wife! Sex can be a touchy subject for many couples. I know this from personal experience. For several years it was the root of many arguments between my husband and I. However, this should not be!
God never intended for sex to be a source of contention, but an incredible gift. Within the context of biblical marriage, sex is beautiful, holy, and fun. It is a foretaste of heaven, a renewal of our wedding vows, and a form of worship. It is never supposed to be boring, cause one to feel ashamed, or create arguments. That’s NOT what God intended it to be.
So what is a wife to do if sex is a pressure point in her marriage?
1. Pray! Pray about your sex life. Pray with your husband. Pray for God to make beauty out of ashes, for Him to redeem the years the locus have eaten. Ephesians 3:20 tells us that He can do immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine. What about your sex life? Do you need Him to do a miracle in that area? He will. Just ask.
2. Realize it isn’t about you. If you only respond to sex or initiate sex when it is on your schedule then you are missing the whole point of intercourse. Sex isn’t about you! It is about your spouse. So, as wives, that means it is about our husbands. You might be satisfied with your sex life, but if he’s not… work towards a common ground. Make how often, where, foreplay, etc. all about him. If your focus switches from you to him – it will actually become more enjoyable for you as well. If you are the high-driver spouse then give him permission to say “no” without sulking. If you are the low-driver spouse – say “yes” as often as physically possible.
3. Third, get creative! Plan romantic gestures, send suggestive text messages, and strive to keep your bedroom ideas fresh. Don’t postpone planning special evenings for your husband, instead make it a priority. Contrary to what society tells us, sex within the boundaries of marriage is refreshing, amazing, and exhilarating. Say no to anything that would steal the holiness out of the act (pornography/erotica/etc.), but yes to anything that is honoring God.
4. Lastly, it is important to remember that intimacy in marriage will go through different seasons. There will be times when your sex life surpasses all your expectations and other times when it will be a very intense struggle. For example, young children or serious health issues could hinder a once thriving sex life. Although, resolved conflict or a new level of openness will possibly provide a much needed revival to your stale love life. Prayerfully and intentionally work through and adjust to every season in order to achieve mutual satisfaction.
If you and your husband are truly struggling in this area, please don’t hesitate to talk to a Biblical counselor. Airing out the past, discussing expectations, finding a common ground, and offering grace are all necessary for a couple to achieve and maintain a vibrant sex life. Never be afraid, or too prideful, to work with someone who will offer you Biblical advice and prayerful encouragement in how to achieve the love life God has ordained.
This preparation works by relaxing muscles in the airways to straighten breathing. Viagra is one of the best treatment options of all season. When you get remedies like real viagra you have to know about pfizer viagra online. Medications, like Viagra, fairly, is going to improve your life. The signs of sexual disorders in men include lack of interest in sexual contact. Sexual soundness problems can generally indicate problems elsewhere. Mental health problems can reduce your will and can lead to erectile dysfunction. Depression affects all sides of life including sexual soundness.
My wife and I often reflect on what our children see in and about our marriage. What do they take away? What have we taught them? Honestly, they are shaping their view of marriage by what you show them in the good times and the bad. Daily. How do you fight, disagree, deal with conflict, react? Good questions right?!
I would be thrilled if my kids had a similar type of marriage that Marci and I have. Because I know, they would be happy and fulfilled. It’s definitely not perfect, but we’re both very proud of what we’ve developed over 9+ years.
Here are 10 actions that I know my kids have observed from us over the year:
1. Affection: Marci & I are very affectionate and I like having my kids see me kiss her first when I come home, we hug, cuddle, etc… as often as we can.
2. Saying “I’m sorry”: I want to be quick to use this phrase and I want my kids to hear me say it. I want to admit my shortcomings and failures to my wife in front of them. That instills humility in my children.
3. Affirmation: This is my primary love language so it’s easy for me to dish out encouraging words. I want them to hear me praise my wife for the amazing big and little things she does. They’ll jump on board too!
4. Attraction: I think Marci is a hottie. Often, she still takes my breath away. I want my son to see that I pursue and am still attracted to my wife. Also, I want my daughter to know this is how your husband should look at you, as if he’s looking at the most beautiful sunset he’s laid eyes on. Continue reading
New Movie Trailer:
Here’s the 1 minute teaser trailer to Pressure Points #7 on intimacy issues in marriage, entitled ‘Storms‘.
The Corinthians wrote Apostle Paul about some of their marital issues. Seemingly the Corinthians believed good married Christians abstained from sex. Paul clears up this misconception with this message:
“The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
-1 Corinthians 7:4-5 NIV
God created sex for marriage. If sex is an issue in your marriage, for whatever reason, get assistance from a licensed [and preferably Christian] professional. Don’t let a sexless marriage tear your marriage apart.
You are loved!
This medicament works by relaxing muscles in the airways to straighten breathing. Viagra is one of the best treatment options of all time. When you get remedies like real viagra you have to know about pfizer viagra online. Medications, like Viagra, fairly, is going to improve your life. The signs of sexual disorders in men include lack of interest in sexual contact. Sexual soundness problems can generally indicate problems elsewhere. Mental soundness problems can reduce your will and can lead to erectile dysfunction. Depression affects all sides of life including sexual health.
It was going to be a busy day. My family had lots of places to go, things to do and places to be: all back- to- back. We had 2 parties to get to (to which I had no gift for either), we had to grab lunch on the go and travel with a 3 year old and a 13 year old. So you can imagine that with potty breaks, teen boredom, complaints and whining, things can get pretty hairy!
Our first destination: gift for first party.
I tell my husband that I’m heading to the gift aisle. He stays with kids. We will meet in the front of the store. I only have to get 1 item. I hastily get what I need, check out and am waiting in the front of store. Where are they? What is taking them so long? Seriously!? Frustration building. I actually have time to fill out the card (really fill it out), I have time to bag AND tissue the present. Where is he? What are they doing? Finally, I just call him. Come on!! Lets go! We don’t have all day! FYI – they were shopping, havin’ a ball! Continue reading
“I want to get married,” he said.
Under different conditions, those words would have caused me to jump for joy with the excitement and anticipation of a bride-to-be. There was one small problem…. we were already married. The perplexed and befuddled look on my face accompanied my confused response.
“We are married.”
“No… I want to marry Jan.”
With those two short sentences, my world began to crumble. I was stunned into stillness. No immediate tears, no screaming, just shock. You see, he had been doing a medical residency working long hours, even 36-hour shifts. He came home and fell into bed each evening. I thought I was doing my part to help his career, supporting the family with my corporate job by day and taking care of our 6-month-old daughter in the evenings. I knew we weren’t spending much time together, but I chalked it up to the rigors of the medical profession. I believed it was for a season until he could get out of training and establish his own practice.
If you had asked me even the day before how I would react to this news, I would have told you that I would either have melted in a puddle of tears or grabbed the nearest chair and hit him with it. But I didn’t react that way at all. Yes, I had been betrayed. Yes, it hurt more than any pain I had experienced in 28 years of life. But in the midst of the hurt was love, the most difficult oxymoron to explain unless you’ve experienced it.