Wait. STOP! So what. So what she’s emotional? So what she needs reassurance and comfort? What do you need that she keeps giving you? Physical intimacy, words of affirmation, trust, grace, forgiveness, etc.
This is not your chance to complain about how emotional women are and how you just don’t understand. And… it is cruel to ignore her pain. Men, your wife needs love. All the time. She needs you to empathize with her pain, worry, concerns and her unexplained waves of emotions. That is how God wired her. He wired her to be in tune with His love, His emotional presence. She takes after God. Betcha didn’t know that, did you? Just like you are wired to be strong, logical and rational after God’s firm heart, she is wired to be soft, loving, empathetic, emotionally present after God’s loving heart. In 1 Peter 3:17, Paul tells us to live with our wives in an understanding way as the weaker vessel. Not weak as in strength or intellect, but weaker as in, we as husbands need to protect her heart. Her heart is fragile by God’s unique design.
“You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.” – 1 Peter 3:17 NASB
Here are 4 tips to help you better empathize with your wife.
1. Stop and listen. Listen to what she has to say. Turn to her. Don’t try and solve it. Just hear her words. You might ask questions that lead to the root of it, but sometimes she just needs to share with you what is on her heart. She doesn’t want to be disconnected from you, she wants you two to be in sync.
2. Try to understand. Put yourself in her shoes for a few minutes and make a strong attempt to consider how she could be impacted by whatever is going on.
3. Acknowledge her. After she shares, tell her, “I am sorry you are feeling ____.” She needs this. She needs to know YOU care. Not her girlfriend, children, mother or co-workers… YOU. Her partner cares about how she feels in this moment.
4. Ask her. This is so simple, and so many people miss the mark on how to help someone. Simply ask her, “How can I help you?” You may have already helped by listening. She may need you to help come up with a plan or simply pray. You can best serve your spouse if you find out from her what you can do to help the situation. It keeps you from missing the mark and it helps her right away.
Men, Where have you missed opportunities to show your wife empathy when you didn’t want to?
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