I love Christmas time. I love the smells. I love the lights. I love that people tend to show kindness a little more often. I just love it. Even buying presents now is wonderful. Thank you, Amazon!

What I don’t love is having to miss every other Christmas morning with my two older kids, who are 12 and 10. Since my older daughter was 3 (and my son only 1), they have spent every other Christmas morning in a different home. While we have all adjusted to living this life as a divorced family, we would be lying if we said it was fine. They have other siblings at their dad’s house and a little sister at mine. They will miss every other Christmas morning of watching their siblings’ excitement as well.

As I look at my children’s Christmas list to make sure everything has arrived, there’s one thing I know they want but can’t ever have. A whole family. Deep down, they want their mom and dad not to be divorced.

And whether your kids think about it or not, they want their parents to be in a healthy marriage. You may hear people say that divorce is better, that it is easier. I can tell you that it isn’t. Divorce is just different. And co-parenting with someone is hard work. I put as much blood, sweat and tears into my marriage as I do into co-parenting with my children’s father. The payoff for the hard work in my marriage is much greater.

This Christmas, commit to giving your children a healthy marriage. That’s what they really want.

First, focus only on what you can control. YOU. Work on your contribution to the marital issues. I used to think I didn’t contribute to the fall of my first marriage (and honestly, I sometimes think that I don’t contribute to the issues in my marriage now). But I do. We all do because we are all broken in some area.

Second, invite God in. If you’ve tried everything else, why not? You’ve got nothing to lose. Focus on a relationship with God and He will help you work on having the healthy, holy marriage your kids want need this Christmas.

Merry Christmas to you and yours. And remember that you are Loved.

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