Your marriage can never fully grow and receive God’s FULL blessings unless you live on wings of integrity, truth and full disclosure. I’ve heard it said once that secrets are healthy in a marriage. That sometimes it’s better that… they just don’t know things. Secrets and lies are Satan’s tools. They are NOT of God in any way, shape or form. They live in walls like termites and eat through the foundation of your marriage bit-by-bit until your marriage is ruined and infested with lies and deceit. Let me ask you, if you are keeping secrets in your marriage, where do you draw the line? Is it Godly? Does it make you marriage better?
So why even lie?
Often the motivation for lying is usually tied up in self-esteem and self-preservation. We lie in an effort to create the best possible version of ourselves in our spouse’s eyes. Sometimes we do it to avoid hurting their feelings, which also has the bonus effect of ensuring spouse (again) maintains their good opinion of us. It gives us leverage, our sins can’t used against us if they don’t know. We can preserve their trust in us. We can avoid punishment or judgement. All lies. The truth is, we dishonor God, our marriage, and we corrupt ourselves by lying. When we lie we give ourselves permission to move the line wherever we choose to for our own selfish gain. Lying is selfish. It’s wrong and it’s not Godly.
What does the Bible say about lies?
- Romans 2:16 – On that day when, according to my gospel, God judges the secrets of men by Christ Jesus.
- Luke 12:2 – Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known.
- Revelation 20:12 – And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Then another book was opened, which is the book of life. And the dead were judged by what was written in the books, according to what they had done.
How should I ask for forgiveness in my marriage?
Think about the ways you have hurt, disappointed, frustrated or not been truthful with your spouse. Ask God to show you your sins for which you need to ask for forgiveness. The forgiveness process can look like this:
- Step 1: Ask God for forgiveness. Psalm 51:4 “Against you, You only, have I sinned and done what is evil in Your sight.” Start by repenting to the Father. He will welcome you with open arms. Come to him with remorse in your heart and the willingness to change your behavior.
- Step 2: Talk about it. Sit down with your spouse without any distractions and confess your issues one at a time. They should be encouraged to make it safe for you to share. Otherwise, things could get really ugly fast and you may shy from sharing again.
- Step 3: Don’t mix truth with lies. Don’t sugarcoat things or change the facts into ‘little white lies‘ to make it seem like less of an offense. God can only bless the truth, don’t ask him heal your marriage based on a lie.
- Step 4: Be transparent and open to share. If they have questions, answer them in the best way you know how. It’s possible that what you are about to share can truly hurt them, so be ready for that. Take responsibility for what you’ve done and the pain you may cause.
- Step 5: Forgive yourself. Many people forget this step. If God has forgiven you, and you’ve been truthful with your spouse, then you need to forgive yourself, repent and move forward. Start the process of letting it go or it will continue to eat you alive. Satan would love for you to keep beating yourself up about the sin, but God doesn’t want you to. He wants you to move closer to spiritual health and a oneness with him. Forgive yourself.
Truthfully, after writing this, I’m convicted to tell my wife something when she gets home. It scares me. It may hurt her, but it’s the right thing to do. Where are you being untruthful in your marriage? Kill the termites and reveal the truth. Allow God to come in and bless your marriage His fullest capacity.
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