communication

A Hug is Not Just a Hug to Him: More Love Language Advice


I know what makes him tick.

kasanieI know what makes him feel special and needed and desired and loved.  I KNOW these things.  Why can’t I just do them?  I have known about this struggle of mine for a while now.  Years even.  My husband likes affection.  No, I don’t just mean sex.  I know he likes that. He needs a hug, a touch on the shoulder, my hand on his hand, a kiss on his head as I pass by him.  Why can’t I do that for him?  It’s so simple, right?  Ugh.  Is there something wrong with me?  I don’t have any repressed issues from my past nor am I dealing with any issues that I am aware of.  Am I just not wired that way?  Maybe.  But that’s not really the issue.  What’s important is that my husband IS wired that way.  He likes affection.  He feels strong, masculine and cared for by his woman when he receives that kind of love expression from me. It fills his love tank. If you haven’t yet read The 5 Love Languages then you need to. You and your spouse should go online and take the test. It’s free and it makes a huge difference in your marriage.

The book explains very clearly how we each give and receive love.  5LLcover-128Chances are, you aren’t wired the same way that your spouse is.  Surprise! This makes communication and seeing eye to eye kind of tough.  My primary love language is service. When my husband does things for me out of the kindness of his heart I feel loved.  When I come home from work and the dishes are done and the counter is cleaned off  – I feel loved.  Appreciated.  When the laundry basket is not sitting in the middle of the living room floor where I left it, I feel loved, BONUS love is when the laundry is put away!  BAM!  When my husband puts gas in my car if he drives it, I feel loved.  Service. Continue reading

About Marci Stevens

Marci is a wife, mother, speaker and blogger. She is also a co-founder of a powerful non-profit, award-winning marriage ministry, Marriage Pressure Points. Marci writes about her own struggles as a wife in hopes that God will continue to offer her grace and use her testimony to help others.

Woman's Intuition and an Answered Prayer. (Part Three)

Two+business+colleagues+talkingMissed the first two parts? Find them here:

Part 1: I trust him. Not her. 
Part 2: Is it all in my head? I still don’t trust her. 

My sense of discernment was right on target.

The next day, my husband was driving the nine hours to join us when he suddenly realized what had happened:

After he hung up with me, he went into the restaurant. He got a phone call from Kim telling him she was running late because she got out of her bikini wax appointment late. (“Really?”) He thought that a little odd that she would offer that information, but just let it go.

Twenty minutes later, Kim showed up, dressed in a mini-skirt. They had lunch. As lunch came to a close, Kim asked my husband what he wanted to do next. He said he was probably going to walk around the mall for a while and kill time since the movers had taken everything and the house was completely empty.

She responded, “Why don’t we go back to your house.”Smiling+beautiful+blond+woman+flirting

Brushing it off, he looked at her and said, “Why would we do that, there is nothing there. No TV, or furniture, nothing.”

Kim said, “So?”

Without missing a beat and completely ignorant of the implied proposition, he answered “Because it would be boring!”

She just reluctantly replied, “Yeah, you’re right.” They finished lunch, said their goodbyes, and Kim was gone. Continue reading

Just A Status Update Please

“Hi honey. Just a status update please….”blah blah faded

“Um… No.”

Fellas. We were wired to be logical, rational, quick-thinking creatures. We lead with our head, and not with our heart. However, our wives lead with their heart and emotions. In truth, it’s the perfect combination, hence why God created marriage.

Here’s the scenario, we meet up with our wives after a long day and want a quick ‘status update’ before unwinding, unraveling and relaxing. What you would like to hear is…

Her: “Jimmy was late for school, grounded all weekend. The Smith’s are moving to Idaho next week; new job. Taylor had her baby. Boy. Fat. Dinner is Lasagna and I paid the bills.”

You: “Ah… perfect.”

No, no, no. Here’s the kicker! She doesn’t want to JUST give you a status update. She wants to have a meaningful conversation with you. Wait… what? A whole conversation? But I just got home.

Continue reading

About Phil Stevens

Christ follower, happily married, proud father, producer, actor & social media strategist. I love to create things that glorify God. Love God. Love People.

I trust him. Not her.

From the 2009 Sony movie 'Obsessed'

Her name was Kim*.

She was tall, thin, and just 22. She was a brand new lieutenant fresh out of nursing school and into the Army’s on-the-job training. When I met her I was five months pregnant with our second child. This young woman would be following my husband, also a nurse, around for six very long weeks as she trained as a floor nurse at the military hospital. It wasn’t my husband’s choice to train her. When the Army tells you to do something, you do it.

I trust my husband.

We have always been very honest with each other from the start. I knew he was studying to be a nurse when I met him. I also knew a male nurse is rare and the likelihood of having to work with mostly women is a given. Through his college years he proved that he was trustworthy by being completely open and honest with what would happen in class or in study groups.

You see, my husband is a very nice man. He is a very good listener and he genuinely cares for other people. Those qualities not only make a good nurse, but a VERY attractive catch for many women. People instantly like him which can be a great quality, but a bit scary for an introverted wife like me.

Continue reading